Another day. Another hurdle. The same broken heart. And there were my poor babies. Smack dab in the middle of my broken heart, my occupied mind, and my wounded marriage. These innocent little souls were hurting and there was no denying it. Why? Because they couldn’t fix the hurt they were experiencing from mama’s “always sad face.”
They had heard words slung and silent treatments delivered between two people they wanted to believe had hung the stars.
Friend, have you ever found yourself at the end of a broken day chewing on the sour taste of FAILURE? More broken than you began because the innocent hearts of your children were being impacted in ways your mind can’t wrap by your struggling marriage.
I’m writing this morning to deliver you a huge piece of sweet and tasty HOPE. Truthfully, I wish I had never had to learn these lessons and could have prevented those hard days with my kiddos. However, we walked through them and learned from them and continue to do so.
I feel if this is for you, I would be doing you a huge injustice if I left you to keep chewing on Satan’s failure when I have a recipe to our Savior’s Hope!
So, you ask, how is it we can keep our children thriving through seasons our marriages are struggling? It’s truly not rocket science and it doesn’t take someone special to meet these areas. A shift in perspective is all that is required. Here goes:
1. Reassure LOVE: You love them. Deep and wide as the song says. Don’t assume they “know” it. Tell them as often as it comes to mind. LOVE is shown with time. Find time to reassure their heart how very special they are to you by taking time to engage in something of their choice.
2. Pray with them and for them: Allow them to see the transparency in your prayers as you ask God for forgiveness when you fall short. They need to see God is your anchor when you don’t have all the answers. Walking through prayer with your children is a fantastic way of reading what’s on their mind and heart. Few kids have filters so if they are praying for “mommy and daddy to get along” or something of that sense, you then have convicting ground to let God work with you alone in prayer.
3. CHOOSE time and tone: Sheltering our littles from every disagreement sets them up to believe life should be without struggle. By the way, even if you fight behind the bedroom door, they still hear you!! I’m not perfect at this, but have grown immensely in this area. I do my best to be aware of what needs to be addressed once they are asleep or once my tone is chilled out and prepared for debate. THIS very point has been a game-changer for my family’s atmosphere as well as in our marriage. Anytime is not a good time for argument. And any tone is not permissible, for sure when we have little eyes watching us. Time and tone, my friend!
4. Make intentional time separately: You can attain this while remaining in the good fight for your marriage. However, there are times we struggle to enjoy the company of our spouse while we are working through our setbacks. Our kiddos sense that. This doesn’t mean you can’t still operate as a family. But, for the kids best interest, why not schedule some time that each parent has a chance to be fully present with the kids without the tension of the spouse involved. Kids know when there is tension. Believe it or not, they do. So keep it light and positive for them encouraging the other parent. When you get this opportunity, I encourage you to be fully present as well as they will sense your positive vibes and thrive from that when they are aware of struggles.
I hope this finds you well, my friend as these tactics have been profound for our family as we have grown over the years. Blessings to you and your tribe no matter the season!