Month: May 2016

The Beauty in Missing the Benchmark

  As I begin to write, I look at my beautiful baby girl asleep next to me. There’s a gentleness about her that calms me from the inside out. She was 22 months before she said “mama” for the first time. Each time my other children first spoke that word, I cherished the moment. There is something unique about this time, however. One reason being, she is our last. This is the last time we will be in a season of first words. Even more, I had to wait. From time to time, I would get caught in the trap of comparison and see babies as young as 6 months old already speaking mama and other simple words. All but my first son were late talkers so I wasn’t worried. I have 4 other chatterboxes; I was in no extreme hurry. By her 18 month checkup, she still had yet to say any words. She understood them when spoken to her, but no success of repeating them. Her pediatrician advised some Early Intervention assuring me she felt everything was fine and only needed a little boost to get going. My mama heart began to panic a little silently. The beauty in it all? God already had it worked out. We met with a therapist for an intake evaluation to see if she qualified. The very night we got home she...

Read More

Thirsty Thursday: Luke 6:42

As I pursue this blog ministry, I never want to create the misunderstanding as though I’m the good guy and my husband is the bad guy. Nor do I want the struggling wife that may be reading to form some sort of self-righteous belief of her lacking nothing and her husband lacking everything. Through our beginning years, subconsciously my head grew beyond the thought that I had any fault in our relationship. My husband was so self-destructive, his choices were breaking the hearts of many people who loved and cared about him. Therefore, many of our friends and family would urge me to leave. People would say the kids and I deserved better and didn’t deserve such neglect. Which was all true. He didn’t deserve me to stand by him through times that I did or to have a family to come home to after hours of not knowing where he was. He didn’t deserve any of those things. I didn’t deserve a Savior loving me when I claimed I didn’t believe for a season. I didn’t deserve grace when I was pulled over one night for being under the influence of alcohol with my two sons in the car and having my dad come drive us home. I didn’t deserve a step dad who accepted my kids and I like his own to live with he and my...

Read More

Trust and (Dis)obey

I was recently discussing sermons with my husband’s grandmother that had spoken to our hearts in depth. She said two words that I have heard nearly all my life. Trust and Obey. She was giving me pieces of the sermon her pastor had taught on the power of trusting and obeying. More so, how the two go one in one with another. I am suddenly convicted and touched by these words in a way I had never experienced. There are seasons where trusting God is a struggle. Any season I have struggled to trust, He has never failed to bring me the people I needed most to intercede trust and walk with me in those hard places. However, I feel like every season will test our obedience. Subconscious prayers: “I trust you have a plan for us Lord, but until then, I’m going to keep my guard up and resist him, because right now, he isn’t deserving of my love. Oh, but I trust you will change that.” “I trust that one day my husband will love me in a Christ like way, but until that day, I am going to fill that void with comfort food, social media, and girl talks degrading our husbands to make me feel more justified. But, Lord, I really do trust you in this.” Guilty. And, to be honest, those are probably the nice versions....

Read More

Thirsty Thursday: 1 Peter 4:8

To be honest, some days this verse has been soothing to my soul as I have witnessed the power of deep love among much sin. Other days I have found myself wrestling in prayer that surely God wouldn’t require me to extend love to my husband among his sins that were debilitating to my heart. Over and over, I felt God whisper, “My love for you is deep, which covers the multitude of your sins against me. I shower you with grace, forgiveness, and compassion because, again, my love for you is deep.” Loving someone deeply when their sin is wounding your heart whether it be minor lack of consideration or major lack of priorities and commitment is hard. Trust me, I know. What sin of your husband’s is breaking your heart? Has left you resentful or bitter? Is placing a wedge where you desire to love him better but feel hindered to do so? Has he been unfaithful? You chose forgiveness but it still hurts. The sting is still lingering. Are his priorities lacking and you feel neglected? Have you felt he comes to you for his needs but never with a heart for yours? Oh friend. How I know. Loving deeply seems impossible sometimes. But I assure you, it’s not. You see, if we change the angle, it can change our perspective. Let’s consider the angle from Jesus’ viewpoint in relationship with us. Have we been unfaithful to...

Read More

When it’s Not so Warm and Fuzzy

Marriage. I used to believe it was all warm and fuzzy and that mine was hopeless. Work, wasn’t a word I associated with creating a good marriage, and mine had few warm and fuzzies. Instead, I had four years of marriage heartache in large doses. In fact, had we been less concerned with what other people thought, we would’ve called the wedding off a week before it happened. That was our beginning. But God had bigger plans. I don’t have that “we were so in love” story. I loved him, sure, but for all the wrong reasons. I’m sure he would say the same. By God’s grace, we can testify that God performs miracles…why? Because we’re still together. A few years ago, we attempted marriage counseling. One attempt might I add. We were so toxic to each other. I vividly remember one portion of the counselor’s attempt to break ground. She first asked my husband one thing he liked or admired about me. Anything. After a few seconds of silence, his response was, “Nothing.” She worked in some thought provoking questions and he then said,” Well, she’s a good mother.” For a while that first response stuck with me. (Satan’s plan to destroy me, destroy us) Do I really have such little worth? Is there any point in loving and investing in someone who doesn’t love you back? I struggled myself to love...

Read More
  • 1
  • 2

Let's Connect